


Everyone is Secretly Dating and It's a Mess

by supercatandfriends



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 01:30:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6353530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercatandfriends/pseuds/supercatandfriends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because all of these idiots want to keep their relationships secret, none of them actually know what's going on. Which causes arguments and confusion, obviously. Written for Supercat march madness crack week so take from that what you will</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone is Secretly Dating and It's a Mess

“She’s hiding something from me, Cat.” Kara threw herself dramatically over the back of the couch in Cat’s living room, sighing deeply.

“And? She’s allowed to, you know.” Cat squinted up at her through her glasses, slightly annoyed that the dramatic alien was interrupting her work with such trivial nonsense. She had real things that needed to be done and she needed Kara to sit down and be quiet for fifteen minutes. “You’re not exactly telling her everything about your life, if I remember correctly.”

Cat ignored the frustrated groan that came from behind her, choosing to focus on the layouts in front of her instead. As soon as she leaned forward towards the coffee table, she felt Kara slip onto the couch behind her, throwing her legs around her waist.

“This is an entirely different situation,” Kara said, pushing her chin into Cat’s shoulder. “She’s not allowed to lie to me. I can lie all I want because I suck at it. She has a fair chance to catch me. If  _ Alex  _ is lying, I’m never going to find out the truth.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, dear. I need you to be quiet for five minutes. You promised you wouldn’t be distracting if I brought you home tonight.”

 

 

“There’s no way she’s not dating  _ someone _ . I just don’t know who it is.” Alex was pacing, half-empty bottle of wine in her hand. “I don’t understand why she won’t just tell me. I mean, she tells me everything else.”

“You’re lucky. You have a good relationship with her. I’m sure she’ll tell you soon enough if she  _ is _ dating someone.” Vasquez reached out and snatched the bottle out of her friend’s hand, sitting it on the floor to stop Alex from drinking it all in one go.

“What if it’s someone gross, Vasquez? What if it’s like… that weird guy from R&D?” Alex waved her hands hysterically, trying to get her point across. “Or what if it’s someone I’ve never met? And then I have to intimidate someone  _ new _ .”

“Wow. Okay, you need to sit down. And maybe drink some water. Or at least not drink anymore wine.”

 

 

“No, no, no. You’re not going to sit here and tell me you’re not currently dating Kara Danvers.” Lucy picked up her latte, already moving to stand up and leave Noonans. “If that’s what’s happening, I’m leaving.”

“Fine. Leave if you want. See if I care.” Cat crossed her legs, the tip of her toes barely grazing the floor from the high barstool.  Lucy glared, slowly and purposefully picking up her purse. “I’m not going to beg you to stay, Baby Lane.”

“I bet you’d beg  _ Kara  _ to stay,” Lucy grinned, jumping back up into the barstool opposite the other woman. “Come on, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone. Hell, who have I got to tell?”

“Remind me again why I’m spending any amount of time with you?” Cat pursed her lips, playing with her ring and avoiding eye contact. Glancing quickly around to make sure there were no prying ears, she leaned forward across the table. “You really want to know?”

Lucy shifted her barstool forward, leaning expectantly on her elbows.

“I’m actually sleeping with your sister. Don’t tell Clark.” Cat pulled back, grabbing her coffee cup of the table and taking a long sip.

“Fuck you, Cat.”

 

 

“Baby Lane thinks we’re dating.” Cat whispered to Kara as she walked past her into her office. Kara had the sense to attempt to look startled. As if Lucy hadn’t basically insinuated the same thing to her yesterday. She shuffled into the office behind Cat, shutting the glass door behind her.

“I don’t know what you want me to do with this information, Cat.” Kara clutched at her tablet, trying to pretend like she was telling Cat her schedule. Winn had taken to watching all of their interactions recently. Kara was sure that Lucy had paid him to spy on them.

“You can either tell her the truth and deal with it, because I’m not going to. Or you can convince her to leave me the hell alone. And the next time she calls and asks for lunch, tell her I’m busy.” Cat sat down at her desk, propping her feet up. “Actually, just tell her that I said that I don’t want to have lunch with her. Better not lie to the girl anymore or she might bug my phones.”

“I don’t think Lucy would bug anyone’s phones.” Kara decided that it was probably best to keep her suspicions about Winn to herself.

 

 

“I think Kara might be dating Lucy.” Alex was picking apart her sandwich, throwing the pickles onto Vasquez’s lunch tray. “Lucy was going to meet someone for lunch. She was being very sneaky about it.”

“Today? Lucy had lunch with Cat Grant.” Vasquez glared down at the pickles in disgust, pushing them onto the table with a napkin. “Besides, I feel like we’d notice if Kara were dating Lucy. We spent a fuck ton of time with them both and neither of them are particularly discreet individuals.”

“Well then why was she acting like she was going out to commit a felony before she left earlier?” Alex raised her eyebrows, her opinion of the situation not wavering.

“Who knows. Maybe she’s fucking Cat Grant.”

“Oh my god. Don’t tell me you’re jealous of that blonde menace?” Alex laughed, drawing the attention of the agents at the table behind them.

“Hey, you wanna talk about who’s actually in a fucked up situation? Because it’s not me. It’s the one secretly dating her sister’s alien aunt. Who was that again? Oh right, you. That’s you,” Vasquez said a little too loudly.

“If you bring that up at work one more time, Susan, I will slit your throat. Right here. With this spoon.”

“Yeah, well, if you didn’t want me to find out, then you should have changed the password on your phone. Because, honestly, honey, I didn’t want to know that much about your sex life either.”

 

 

“I don’t think that has any basis in, like, actual reality,” Winn said, spinning in his computer chair in the secret base. “I mean, Alex and Lucy? That’s insane. Lucy dated James. She’s not a lesbian.”

“Have you ever even heard of bisexuality, Winn?” Kara asked with her mouth full. She stuffed the second half of her sandwich into her mouth, tossing the wrapper into the trashcan.

“No, I know that. I’m just not following your logic on this one.”

“She’s dating someone. Alex, I mean. And why else would Lucy be so concerned with whether or not I’m dating Cat. I’m not dating Cat,” Kara said sternly, noticing Winn’s growing smirk., “But Lucy’s looking for blackmail for some reason. She wants something on me because she needs the leverage. Which means that there’s something in her life that she doesn’t want me to know about.”

“Couldn’t it be that she’s thinking about cutting her hair or something like that? Why does everything have to be about who’s dating who? It’s like we’re back in high school again. In fact, it’s exactly like high school again because there is a distinct lack of people who want to date me.”

 

 

“I’m not spying on Kara.” Astra slipped off her shoes, throwing her legs up onto the couch.

“Just for like, one night,” Alex begged, falling onto the couch and pulling Astra’s feet into her lap. “I just need to know. I have to know.”

“You do not. Have you tried actually  _ talking  _ to Kara? Or have you considered telling her about us? I’m sure she’d tell you if you told her.” Astra pushed her feet into Alex’s stomach, nudging the other woman onto her back before using a bit of super speed to pin her to the couch, “She’s going to find out eventually.”

“I can imagine that conversation going well. ‘ _ Hey, yes, Kara, I’m dating your aunt. No, this isn’t weird and everything is fine. Please don’t freak out _ .’ Do you know what Kara would do? Freak out.” Alex pushed on Astra’s shoulders uselessly, hoping that Astra would go easy on her for once and just let her go. She knew it wasn’t going to happen as soon as her wrists were grabbed and pinned above her head.

“We can discuss why I’m not spying on my niece another time,” Astra said, “I have other plans for tonight.”

 

 

It was perfect, really. Kara couldn’t have asked for anything better. All she needed was fifteen minutes to corner Lucy and get her to tell her the truth. And the perfect opportunity had just presented itself. James and Winn had both cancelled on game night. She decided not to tell Lucy and just let Lucy show up at her apartment anyway. It was fifteen after seven when Lucy knocked on the door.

“Hey, Luce.” Kara smiled invitingly as she pulled open the door. “I hope you don’t mind, but the boys had to cancel on us. So it’s just you and me. How do you feel about Scrabble?”

“I’m game.” Lucy shucked off her coat, throwing it onto the island in the kitchen. “I hope Cat has taught you some of her ten dollar words because you’re gonna need them, Danvers.”

“I… can’t say that she has. But I’m pretty good, anyway.” Kara pulled the board game out from underneath her television and brought it back to the table. Lucy immediately started sorting out tiles as soon as Kara dropped the box.

“I honestly cannot believe you didn’t have other plans tonight. I mean, it’s Friday night. No big date?” Lucy smirked, pushing letter tiles across the table to Kara.

“Nope.” Kara’s smile lit up the room; she hoped it was more convincing than it felt. “I mean, unless you count this fantastic friend date I’m having with my good friend, Lucy Lane. My good friend who would tell me if  _ she  _ were dating someone.”

“You spill and I spill, Kara. That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.” Lucy flipped the board around towards Kara, showing her word.  _ Secret. _ Of course Lucy Lane would find a way to build their argument into the board game.

 

 

“You said we were going out to eat.” Astra pouted, sitting in the passenger’s seat of Alex’s car. Which was parked outside of Kara’s apartment building.

“And we will. As soon as you tell me who’s in Kara’s apartment with her right now.” Alex nodded upwards, towards Kara’s window, where she could see the lights were on.

“You’re insufferable, Agent Danvers. Why don’t you just go up there and find out for yourself?” Astra huffed, crossing her arms.

“We can get pizza.”

“Lucy Lane.”

“I FUCKING TOLD VASQUEZ!” Alex slammed her fists onto the top of her steering wheel. Astra’s hand was quickly thrown over her mouth, nearly pinning her to the headrest.

“She’s going to hear you if you do not lower your voice,” Astra hissed, cautiously glancing up at Kara’s apartment. She could see Kara looking around curiously, obviously having heard  _ something. ” _ We have to leave. Now.”

 

 

“Are you alright?” Lucy asked, reaching across the table to lay her hand on top of Kara’s. She looked a little confused.

“I… thought I heard someone I knew, that’s all.” She’d thought she’d heard Alex. But Alex had said she had to work tonight, which was why she had declined the invitation to game night. Kara picked at the tiles she had left, wondering what she was going to do with a bunch of consonants and almost no free vowels on the board _. _

“Who?” Lucy tried to peek over at Kara’s letters but was pushed back into her chair by Kara’s hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t cheat. I thought I heard Alex.” Kara muttered, picking up the “W” tile cautiously. “Speaking of Alex, though, I heard a little rumor that she’s dating someone.”

“Really?” Lucy seemed genuinely surprised, tilting her head to the side a bit at the information. “Do you know who?”

“I… sort of thought it might be you,” Kara admitted, dropping the “W” beside an “E” and finishing the low value word with a “T”. “It isn’t you, is it?”

“Hate to disappoint, but no. She’s cute, though. What about Agent Vasquez? They spend a lot of time together? And she’s crazy hot.” Lucy only had three tiles left. She was fairly certain she was going to win, might as well try to play another game while she was at it. And this was her absolute favorite game: information gathering.

“Vasquez?” Kara raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I don’t know. They’re basically best friends.”

“Best friends to lovers?” Lucy asked, “Like you and Cat?”

“Cat is not my best friend.”

“But she is your lover.”

“I will give you a month’s salary to stop using the word ‘lover’, Lucy.” 

  
  


“Alex, hey Alex. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Lucy jogged to catch up with Alex in the halls of the DEO. Alex glanced back over her shoulder, but did nothing to slow her pace. She did not need to get involved in this. Or at least, that’s what she was trying to tell herself now that she actually  _ was _ involved. The spying had been a bad idea.

“Uh, actually, I’m a bit busy right now, Lucy. Maybe later?” Alex ducked down another hallway, hoping that Lucy wouldn’t follow. No such luck.

“This will only take a minute, promise.” Lucy grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled her into an empty training room. “It’s about Kara.”

“About Kara?” Alex asked skeptically, “Like, as in, an  _ urgent _ matter about Kara or like, a conversation about Kara… and Kara’s- personal life?”

“Um, the second one.” Lucy leaned against the door, blocking Alex’s means of escape.

“Look, I kinda already know about her… dating life and-“

“Good. Thank god, I was looking for someone to verify. But I am surprised that you don’t want to strangle Cat.” Lucy smirked, glad for a minute that she wouldn’t have to plan out a safe house for her new friend.

“Cat? Cat Grant?” Alex scrunched up her nose. “What the hell are you talking about Luce?”

“I… what do you mean?” Lucy, clearly having misinterpreted the situation, reached for the door handle, ready to bail. “You know what, maybe we should talk later.”

“Lucy,” Alex said, pushing the door shut with a hand beside Lucy’s head, “You’re going to tell me what you’re talking about and you’re going to tell me _ now.” _

 

 

“CAT GRANT, SUSAN. SHE’S DATING CAT GRANT.” Alex slammed open her apartment door to let Vasquez in. Astra shushed her from the other room, already having had to reassure the neighbors once this evening that no one was being murdered.

“Hey, Astra,” Vasquez said into the kitchen as she walked into the living room. “You need to calm down. I already told you that.”

“No, I am not talking about Lucy,” Alex whispered angrily, trying to keep her voice down. “I’m talking about  _ Kara.” _

“Kara? Wow. Way to go, Supergirl. Banging the boss.” Vasquez laughed, sitting down on the couch and propping her feet up on the table. “Are you sure?”

“This is not a laughing matter. I can’t believe you’re not freaking out over this!”

“I can’t believe  _ you  _ aren’t freaking out about this, Astra,” Vasquez called out. Astra walking into the living room; she was holding a bowl of soup in one hand and a spoon in the other.

“I trust my niece’s judgment, Agent Vasquez. Besides, from what I’ve heard of this Cat Grant, she sounds like an impressive woman.” Alex threw an angry glare over her shoulder at her girlfriend; betrayal at its finest.

“Wait,” Vasquez jumped up, grabbing Alex’s shoulders, “Does that mean Lucy’s actually single?”

 

 

“I didn’t mean to, Kara. Really. It was an accident.” Lucy felt horrible. She hadn’t meant to accidentally tell Alex that Kara was dating Cat, but it had just sort of  _ happened. _ “I mean, look on the bright side- you can stop hiding it from everyone you know now.”

“That is  _ not  _ a bright side. That is a disaster waiting to happen. Vasquez texted me this morning to  _ congratulate me _ . How the hell does Vasquez already know?” Kara felt like the entire situation was spiraling. She needed to get a solid grip on who knew before she could even consider going to Cat about it. Two or three people, she could handle. More than that and Cat was going to pitch a fit.

“I told you. I’m sure they’re together. Maybe you could use that as a counter-argument when your sister finally confronts you in person. ‘ _ You’re dating Vasquez behind my back, maybe that’s why I never told you about Cat.’ _ That sort of thing,” Lucy reasoned, trying to move the argument away from Kara blaming her for the problem.

“Are you sure? What if she isn’t?” Kara bit her lip; trying to remember the times she’d heard Alex talking about Vasquez.

“Well, then you’ll just be causing trouble. Which is another gift in and of itself, I think.” Lucy’s phone buzzed in her pocket.  She pulled it out, looking confused. “Speak of the devil. Vasquez wants to talk to me. I’ve gotta go, Kara. Good luck with… all this.”

 

 

Vasquez had invited Lucy to have lunch with her, a nice little deli a few blocks away from Catco. Lucy saw her as soon as she walked in, sitting by the window, fully enraptured by the traffic outside.

“Hey, what’s up?” Lucy pulled out the chair in front of the other woman, sitting her purse on the floor. “You said you wanted to talk about something?”

“Yeah, I do.” Vasquez turned away from the window, a smile lighting up her face. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Me too.” Lucy grinned back, genuinely pleased. “We hardly ever get to hang out.”

“That’s actually sort of what I wanted to talk about,” Vasquez said a little nervously, playing with the saltshaker on the table.

“I mean, I get it. You’re busy. I’m busy. It’s understandable,” Lucy reassured, reaching out to lay her hand on top of Vasquez’s hand on the salt.

“Would you want to go out sometime? Like a date?” Vasquez asked quickly, her hand tightening around the saltshaker as Lucy pulled hers away. The confused face Lucy made was not promising.

“A date?”

“You know what, nevermind. Pretend I didn’t ask.” Vasquez felt her face getting warm. She couldn’t believe she’d let Alex talk her into this.

“No, wait. I don’t mean- It’s just… aren’t you dating Alex?” Lucy brushed a hand through her hair, thoroughly confused by the situation.

“Alex? No.” Vasquez’s face scrunched up in clear displeasure at the thought. “Alex is like my sister. God, that’s weird. No. Just- no.”

“Oh.” Lucy propped her elbows up on the table, resting her chin on her hands. “I just thought… I mean, Kara thought… Kara thought Alex was dating someone. I sort of just assumed it was  _ you _ .”

“Nope, not me.” Vasquez smiled tightly, still fairly embarrassed. “Look, if you don’t want to actually have lunch with me today, I get that. I think I’m gonna head out.”

“Don’t go,” Lucy reached across the table and grabbed Vasquez’s arm as she moved to stand up. “I want to have lunch with you. And the date. I want that, too.”

 

 

Kara couldn’t believe the luck she was having. Just when she thought she’d had something on her sister, Lucy had texted her to correct her. Apparently, Vasquez was most definitely  _ not _ her sister’s secret girlfriend. Sighing, Kara slouched down further in her desk chair. If she had to answer one more phone call today, she was going to quit out of exhaustion.

“Kiera, come in here.” Cat. Nevermind, there was no way she was quitting this job. Kara slid further down into her seat, almost falling out of it, before standing up and walking into the glass office.

“Explain to me why I just received a text from Baby Lane telling me to quote ‘Watch my back before the older Danvers sister sticks a knife in it’?” Cat didn’t look too concerned by the warning, merely confused and maybe a little amused.

“You see, I meant to tell you about that.” Kara fluttered her hands in front of her, resisting the urge to adjust her glasses. “Alex might know about us. Because Lucy told her. Because we were not doing a particularly good job of convincing Lucy that she was wrong.”

“And your sister… what? Doesn’t like me very much?” Cat smirked, overly pleased by the situation.

“You do know that this isn’t  _ actually _ funny, right? Like this is very not good.”

 

 

“I’m gonna tell her.” Vasquez flicked through a magazine casually, trying not to look Alex in the eye. “She’s freaking out, Alex. It’s not fair.”

“ _ I’m  _ freaking out. And you’re not telling her.” Alex snatched the  _ National Geographic  _ out of Vasquez’s hand, throwing it across the DEO’s cafeteria. “She doesn’t need to know about Astra.”

“Ok, but you know about Cat. So I don’t really see the harm.” She looked forlornly at her magazine, wondering how hard Alex would hit her if she tried to go get it.

“You’re supposed to be  _ my  _ friend, Susan. Which means that you keep  _ my  _ secrets.” Alex stabbed at the table with a plastic fork.

“She thought we were dating, you know. She  _ knows  _ you’re dating someone. Might as well tell her.”

“I’m not telling her.” Alex stood up and walked determinedly out of the cafeteria, kicking the magazine further away out of spite.

Vasquez skipped to catch up to her, not wanting to end her day with an argument with Alex.

“Hey, look. I’m sorry. I’m not gonna tell her. But you really should. Then we could triple date!”

“That is the worst idea you’ve ever had. Including the time you tried to teach yourself to knit while you were drunk and ended up with a knitting needle slammed through your television screen.”

“I specifically remember you promising never to talk about that again.”

 

 

“Kara! I know you’re in there! Open the damn door!” Alex banged her fist against Kara’s apartment door three times before it was pulled open. Kara had already disappeared back into the apartment somewhere.

“I do not want to talk about this, Alex,” Kara yelled from her bedroom. “Come back after you’ve calmed down.”

Alex sighed, knowing she was probably right. This would all go easier if she handled it calmly.  _ Calm _ was practically her middle name. She could do calm.

“I am entirely calm,” Alex said through clenched teeth as she walked further into the apartment.

“Alex, I can actually  _ see  _ the anger radiating off of you. You’re walking around like you’re about to strangle someone.” Kara slipped out of her bedroom but left her hand protectively on the bedroom door.

“No. I’m not angry.” Alex spoke slowly, careful of her words. She unclenched her hands, which had been pulled into fists at some point. “I just want to talk.”

“ _ I’m dating Cat _ ,” Kara squeaked out quickly, wrapping her arms around her chest. “I know you don’t like her.”

“It’s… fine. We’ll deal with it.” Alex hardly had room to question Kara’s dating choices. The best she could do for now was to hope Kara didn’t start actually questioning hers.

“You’re not going to tell me who you’re dating are you?” Kara asked disappointedly. Alex was really having a pretty unlucky week so far. Taking a deep breath, Alex braced herself for the fallout.

“I’m… dating Astra, Kara.” Alex grimaced, hating the way she’d said. Kara’s eyebrows shot up, shock evident on her face. And then Alex was wrapped in a hug at superspeed.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! THIS IS FANTASTIC!”

“Wait… you’re not… upset?” Alex could feel her mouth hanging open, but wasn’t sure she could remember how to close it. Kara looked absolutely elated at the news, which was not what Alex had expected. 

“Of course I’m not upset!” Kara laughed, like the idea of her having a problem with this information was ridiculous to her. Kara skipped across the living room and pulled her sister into an almost bone crushing hug. “You’re my sister. And I love you. I’m happy that you’re happy. And I love Astra. Of course I’m happy for you guys.”

 

 

“Wait, so I’m confused. Lucy isn’t dating your sister?” Winn whispered across the bullpen.

“No, she’s dating Susan Vasquez, apparently.” Kara smiled, happy that her friends were happy. “I think you’ve met her. She works with them at… the ‘FBI’.”

“Mhm, yeah. The one who calls everyone ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’, all the time? That one?” Winn pushed his chair closer towards Kara, having trouble hearing her over the noise of the office.

“I  _ think _ we’re talking about the same person. But yeah, also Alex is dating Astra-“

“Your  _ aunt _ Astra?” Winn whisper-yelled, pushing his chair with his feet a little too hard and bumping into the edge of Kara’s desk.

“No, Winn, one of the other dozens of women I know named Astra.” Kara shook her head at her friend; he could be a little slow on the uptake. Not that Kara was any faster. It had taken her about three weeks to find out about that in the first place.

“And everything is… fine? Like, Miss Grant’s not gonna fire all of us for bringing ‘millennial drama’ into the workplace?”

“You know, she’s not as scary as you think, Winn. In fact, I don’t think she’s allowed to complain about ‘millennial drama’, anymore. Especially since she agreed to a ridiculous triple date with all these nerds.” Kara glanced towards Cat’s office, pleased to see the other woman working away at her desk with a slight smile on her face.

“A TRIPLE WHAT?” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want more of this junk, I'm on tumblr- supercatandfriends.tumblr.com


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